When you are twenty-two and you feel like you have have at least achieved the minimum goals you had in your life, it would not be very peculiar for you to think about the things which you wish to happen four or five years from now, like marriage, new degree? Lots of things.
When I was younger, I really wanted to be married by the time I turn twenty-seven. Now that I am twenty-two, I feel like I am emotionally unprepared to let someone into my life. This is not because I recently got my heart broken or I me realizing that after all these years my heart still stays captive by another person entirely and I have been lying a lot to myself.
It is just that I have a lot to experience yet. I have goals. I have dreams. I need to achieve them before I settle down.
But you see, it is a trade-off. I do get to become a lawyer on my own but by that time I would be too old, maybe?
My dreams are etched deep in my heart, I could not ever imagine not realizing them.
I know. It is such a huge price to pay. I cannot accommodate the dreams and the life of another without fulfilling my own destiny.
Honestly, I am keeping my mind open to the possibility that I would not ever be a wife. This does not in anyway mean that I am closing the doors of my heart. It is just that at least I would not get too disappointed and desperate when I hit my thirties and there is absolutely no one. May be I can do a lot more things in life. May be I can make a difference in the lives of others. May be I can step back and watch how the world turns. May be I can wait forever. May be I was meant to be by myself. May be I can make a bigger difference that way.
But one thing is for sure, by the time I turn thirty-two, I will lie down a huge field at two in the morning to look at the sky full of stars. I would have wanted to spend that time with my better half if he comes. If not, then we will know that the search is over. The sky and the timeless stars shall be my witnesses. Either way, I wish to face the challenges that lie beyond that point in my life with bravery. I am a strong woman, after all. Or at least I think I am.