Retrieved from Silver Letters. Written last July 30, 2013
There are actually a lot of reasons why I’m again prioritizing this mind-boggling thoughts over my academic pursuit. For one, I am tired, tired of bearing those false perceptions about me. Well, I actually ended up asking just who people say I am. Wearing the shoes of someone who is able to see me as a separate individual, I was able to conclude that people actually see me this way:
– never smiles a lot
– too formal
– does not even know how to make fun
– kill joy
– 21st century Maria Clara
Yada, yada…and the list goes on. Well, the thing is: I used not to care. But seeing people repeatedly view me this way makes me actually think that those people are trying to change who I am. Contrary to the above presupposed baseless perceptions about me, I am actually a different kind of person who cannot help but appear that way. Most of the time, people who say that I am like those I previously mentioned do not even know the real me, because I do not choose to let them see who I am.
To be honest, I am a very calculating person. People see a side of me based on my calculations about them. If I tend to be too quiet around you, I don’t like you. If I am too formal, I respect you or I don’t trust you. If I go around joking with you, then I like you. Very much. Well, only a few people can see that jolly side of m and those people are the ones I can proudly call my true friends. Really, I may be too judgmental but years of betrayal from people I trust made me this way.
Further, I would also like to address that issue of my reading novels everywhere. Seriously, if I really view the environment worthy of my attention then I would close the book I am reading and give a damn. Otherwise, I open my book and pretend to be interested to the rest of the world while being lost in a world created by words my favorite authors offer me.
Finally, I would also like to address that issue on my definition of fun. Being a person more interested in creativity and literature, I tend to have a different meaning of fun. True, I don’t go out often and I usually end up being a kill-joy. But it is just because my own definition of “fun” is delighting my mind, overdosing it with literature, learning a new European or Asian language, watching movies, listening to good music, decorating my notebooks or blogging. And if you find it bloody boring, then I don’t care. I am happy this way. Sometimes, people just need to accept that “fun” is relative to what a person wants. Don’t get me wrong. Loud music and disco lights are also fun to me but it doesn’t mean that I would choose to do that all the time if I were to look for something to amuse my bored soul. I am happy the way I am and nothing you say can ever change the contentment I feel. I do not seek to please you, nor do I want to ever conform to the standards people set for me. No, I’d rather be different. I’d rather take a path on my own and be happy and if you can’t accept that, be careful with your words. You may have uttered a six-lettered word, but it actually brought me to writing again. Thanks, though but I am who I am and just a friendly reminder, accept the fact that people are different. Once again, fun depends on the type of person.
P.S. I am not really angry at you, it’s just that I am tired of those remarks. Chill. 🙂